It Matters

Reasons to be Afraid of the Internet... and More Reasons to Love it.

2012-02-02T16:05:00.002-07:00

Let's face it, not a day goes by when we're not connected to the internet. You are right now, if you're reading this. The internet is viewed as an integral part of life these days, and the moment our internet is down for an hour, our world falls apart. Strange how that works.

I was just reminiscing earlier today, remembering the days that I used to play at the park with my cousins, and noticing that there never seems to be children at our local parks anymore. Why? I know it's winter, but the weather has be ridiculously nice, so what's keeping your children inside? Video games, television, and the internet, that's what. When I was a child, the internet was still a budding concept (and I'm not that old, I swear), and wasn't found in every household in town, though it was present in homes back then. We played board games, card games, watched tv (okay, so that part hasn't changed much...), painted/doodled, built things, read books, rode our bikes around town, went to the park, and built forts in trees. Maybe I'm just stuck in some nostalgic thought pattern, but why are kids missing out on this stuff these days?

I'll admit, even I spend a lot of time on the internet... and I did play video games as a child. But having grown up, I'm finding fewer and fewer things amusing, or I'm unable to do the things that I do enjoy for whatever reason. But I'm an adult. I know the internet pretty well, though I'm starting to think that children are probably more internet proficient than I am. Sad, I know. But I still read, I still enjoy Monopoly and Scrabble, and I do really love getting out on my bike. I could sit out in the grass all day with a good book, or just a friend, and I'd be happy... disconnected from the electronic world.

But here's the thing... I grew up in a safe town. There was no real concern about any of us kids being abducted or assaulted, or anyone being conned out of money. There still isn't that much concern here... our violent crime rates are low in my hometown, and kids can safely walk to and from school, go to the park alone, and not worry about being taken by a stranger.

I do realize that that's a big concern in a lot of places. It's scary... so you supervise your children. And you should... it's the right thing to do. Some of you might even keep your children from going to the park at all, for fear of losing them to one of the creeps in this world.

And even if you don't have children, you worry about your own safety. You don't walk down a back alley alone at night (or maybe even during the day), you lock your doors at night, and make sure to always have your cellphone with you in case something happens.

The really scary thing about life these days is that you don't even have to leave your house to be vulnerable. The internet connects us to the outside world without leaving the comfort of our living rooms. We think we're safe, because the world is full of good people, and the people on that online forum, or chat room, or online games website are just like us. Or so you think. But here's the thing... we don't know that. We have no idea who's on the other side of that post, or that sentence. It's so easy to pretend to be someone else on the internet, and oddly enough, it takes very little effort to convince someone that you're who you say you are.

So while we worry about our children being stolen from us at the park, and we've taught them not to talk to strangers, do they know not to talk to strangers on the internet? Probably not. They think that the internet person is so far away that it couldn't possibly be dangerous. They don't understand the dangers the way adults do, and even some adults don't understand the dangers associated with the internet.

Young people, especially, are apt to give out their address or phone number, to anyone who gives them what they could perceive as positive attention. I've seen it happen... I've had my concerns about people that I've come across on the internet. Concerns about the possible creeps, and concerns for the young people that are members of the same online forums and social media sites that I am.

You should never, ever give out your phone number to someone you don't know over the internet, nor should you give out your address, full name, or any other information that could allow a creep to locate you. You may think you're safe at home, but they can easily find you at home. Or at work.

The internet is also dangerous if you log into something personal, like email, online banking, or Facebook, on a public computer (or on your own, but you leave your computer where someone else can access it or without password protection), and forget to log out. You can be hacked, have money taken, personal information, or various other things that you think are safe from the rest of the world. Things you don't want random people to know. Your social insurance number. Your credit card information. Your banking information. Your address. Your mother's address. Your biggest secrets. Things that can easily be used against you. Ever heard of cyberstalking? How about those con-schemes where someone pretends to be in love with you, to get you to give them money? Yeah, it happens.

And then there's the lovely issue of cyber bullying. No longer can you go home and escape bullying. Now you go home and find bullying spam in your email, on youtube, on facebook, on twitter, in blogs, online forums, you name it. Bullying is hard on people, and when it's thrust on you 24/7, everywhere you go, it's even worse.

Or those children who get lured over the internet, and then are abducted when they go to meet this person that they think they know. But they don't... they really don't. Even adults get lured... online dating sites, chat rooms, forums, online games, they're all places that people get lured. But really, isn't it scary the things that can go on over the internet?

But really, the internet is an amazing thing. It opens up so many possibilities, from business to friendships. It lets us learn things that we might not otherwise be able to. It lets us learn from so many people's experiences, provides us with ample information, and hours of entertainment. It's hard to imagine a world without the internet these days.

What do I love about the internet? Aside from blogging (hehe), I love getting the change to connect with people I wouldn't be able to any other way. I can chat with someone from Europe, a different province, somewhere in the United States, Australia, or any where else in the world (that has an internet connection anyways). I like that I can stay connected with people I've known for years but don't necessarily get to see on a regular basis. I love that I've made so many friends via the internet.

Sharing your art work (making sure you've put something on it to make it clear that it's yours and it can't be as easily stolen), networking for business purposes, and using the internet to create more opportunities for yourself are all huge bonuses of connecting to the internet. Having pen pals from across the country or other parts of the world is a great way for young people to learn about life in a different place. The internet can even help boost someone's confidence, if they feel like they can make friends through the internet and can be complimented on their intelligence, their personality, or whatever aspect makes them feel good about themselves.

There's no reason to avoid the internet out of fear, because it can truly be an amazing thing. Some of my closest friends are people that I've met over the internet, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. But it can be scary, so here are some tips to make sure that your online experience is a safe one!

1) Don't ever give out your phone number, address, credit card information, full name, etc. to a random person on the internet. Do not give money to someone, even if they claim to be in love with you (if you've never met...), or claiming it's for charity if they don't have proof that it is in fact for charity.

2) Parents - keep an eye on what your children are doing, where they're doing it, and who they're talking to. Make sure to talk to them about be safe on the internet... they probably don't have the common sense to protect themselves like you might. Don't keep them off of the internet though, it's best that they learn (from you) early on how to handle themselves properly on the internet... it'll keep them safer down the road.

3) Never send someone an explicit picture of yourself. Chances are, it's not going to stay between you and that person. Also, be careful about the kind of photos you post of yourself anywhere on the internet... don't cross the line of appropriate/inappropriate. Think about the message you're sending about yourself with that photo. Parents, don't let your children post photos of themselves on the internet unless you've given them permission to do so. Young people, take advice from older (respectable and trusted) people about what is safe to post.

4) If you meet someone in real life after meeting them on the internet, make sure to meet up in a public place, and that someone knows where you're going and why. That way you have people who know what's going on, and there's less chance of some funny business going down.

5) If you've met up, and you've followed the above tip, don't get into a car with that person. Sketchy.

6) Google the person. If it seems that he or she doesn't exist, it might be a fake name. Or they're just squeaky clean. If something sketchy comes up, take it as a warning.

7) Realize that not everyone is who they say they are. I could (and might have in a past life) pretend to be a 19 year old guy, and convince a bunch of young girls that I care about them. It doesn't make it true, and you have to wonder why someone is pretending to be someone they're not. Chances are that you're not chatting with Brad Pitt, Sidney Crosby, Neil Patrick Harris, Lea Michelle, Drake, Demi Lovato, or Justin Bieber... you should probably assume that whoever it is, is NOT the famous person they claim to be. Twitter has a verification to prove that the account truly does belong to a famous person... trust that, but nothing else. If you get an email from the Biebs telling you he's in love with you, it's highly likely that it's not Brad Pitt.

8) If a deal seems to good to be true, or even the slightest bit outrageous, google it to see if it's a scam. Talk to your friends. See if anyone has heard about something like this happening to other people.

9) Keep in mind that there are viruses on some documents, emails, downloads, programs, and websites. Don't open any email, click any links, or download anything that you suspect might contain a virus.

10) Change your passwords regularly, and don't use the same password for everything.

11) If there's something you don't want people around the world to know, don't put it on the internet. Plain and simple. That's your responsibility and your choice... if you put it out there, be prepared to have it come back to you in some form.

12) Enjoy yourself, and make other people's time on the internet enjoyable too. Don't cyber bully. That just makes you an asshole.

Anyways, there are your 12 tips, now, go have some good, safe fun on the internet!

Or, go outside, read a book, or pull out one of your ancient board games. Take your kids to the park. Have some fun for a while, disconnected from the electronic world

50+ Fundamental Mistakes of Online Dating and Why Even Love isn't Free.

2011-12-30T18:45:00.012-07:00

Nowadays online dating is becoming increasingly popular. Unfortunately that doesn't mean it's becoming more successful. The fact of the matter is, despite the ever mounting use of social media, websites, online forums, and blogs to meet people (and talk to those we already know), it doesn't seem to be getting any easier for people.

I have experience in the world of online dating, I'll admit that freely. And throughout my rather extended time on these sites, I've picked up on a few patterns and fundamental mistakes that both men and women make when trying out online dating. I do have to mention, first, that I have a slight beef with these dating websites themselves. I know they have to make money to pay for the domain name and all the space they're taking up, but to charge a fee to even get a membership is a bit ridiculous. Clearly these people are having a hard time meeting people face to face, but does that mean that they should have to shell out a chunk of money to a website that may or may not help them find the one person they want to be with? Some sites only charge for certain features, like seeing when the last time someone viewed you is. Well what the hell? Why can't we all see that? Is that feature that enticing that you think a lot of people will want to pay for it? You can pay for a "gold" membership, or the like, which I suppose indicates that you might be a bit more dedicated to finding someone, but what do you get with it? More photo posting space? A fancy background on your profile? Are these things really necessary? So few opt to pay for that extra membership, that it, in my opinion, need not exist at all. Just bump up your adsense and make money that way. Let the rest of us find love for free.

Even if it is free to join the site and stay for as long as you want, there are certain negative things that come with it. You find yourself sneaking around, quickly switching to a different page when someone walks past, determined to never let anyone know you're on a dating website. Because that would be absolutely mortifying. Even more mortifying is the chance of coming across the profile of someone you know! I've come across profiles for a handful of guys I went to school with, and even two of my exes. It's really not as mortifying as you think it is... or even if it is, it's probably just as embarrassing for them too. After all, you're not the only one on the site, they're there too. Of course the reverse can happen too. You could cross paths in real life with someone whose profile you viewed a few days before. It's happened to me. That's really not that bad either. Now lets say you do meet someone online, you hit it off, and you start a relationship. There's that awkward question from your friends and family "how did you two meet, anyways?". Hmm... Do you lie, or tell the truth? What will they think? Does it really matter what they think? Does it even matter how you met?

Online dating doesn't make you creepy, pathetic, or desperate. If you are those things, you were prior to joining the site, and you probably will be long after you leave the site. You might want to get help for that.

Sometimes online dating can feel like you're fishing for sea bass in a river in the prairies. So many to choose from, but where is that rare fish that is meant for you? The one that doesn't quite belong, a profile that stands out from all the rest... one that doesn't make the usual mistakes, and seems like a genuinely great person. Until you find that sea bass (or a dolphin, whatever you prefer) in the prairie river, it usually feels like you're sleeping with the fishes (in the mob sense of the term). And it doesn't help that there never seems to be anyone new on these sites... it's just the same guys and gals every day of the week. Even the so called "new matches" for the week are the same people, recycled. Honestly, online dating can seem like a meat market... everyone's right there, waiting for you to choose from. You don't have to question whether or not he or she is single. You can take more time to make the perfect first impression. So why doesn't anyone?!

Here are 50+ fundamental mistakes made by people when it comes to online dating (in no particular order, many grouped together).

Men and women both write short, generic, or nonexistent profiles. The generic version may include comments such as "I enjoy going to the gym, watching sports, and camping" or "I love shopping, puppies, and going out with friends!" and will typically be generic for the area in which you live. FYI, going to the gym is not a hobby, it's a lifestyle. Shopping is also not a hobby, it's a sign that you like to throw your money around. Some admit that they don't know what to write, while others have the nerve to write "just ask". Why the hell should I ask? Why would anyone want to waste their time trying to figure out who you are, just to find out that besides being attractive, nothing about you is their type? Good lord, at least put something in there about yourself!

The use of song lyrics as your profile. Both men and women do this, though the song choice is very different. Just don't do it. There's no originality, nothing pertinent or relevant, and nothing remotely interesting about song lyrics in a profile. Come up with something on your own. Merely regurgitating a song and failing to add anything that your own brain could have created tells me you might not have any functioning brain cells.

Acting as though he or she doesn't really want to be a member of the site. "I'm not really into online dating, but...", "Joined as a joke...", or "kind of embarrassed about being here..." are all common opening lines for profiles. Then there are the people (men and women) who act as though they are too good for the site. You're not too good for the site, and stating that you're wasting your time being there isn't going to make men or women flock to you. In fact, it makes them want you less. Lose the attitude or get lost. No one made you join, and no one is making you stay.

Not believing any good men or women still exist, and stating it in your profile. Are you trying to get them to prove their existence? They aren't leprechauns or fairies, they're there, they're real, and if you don't see them, you need to have your eyes checked. You're either blind to the world, or you're passive aggressively whining about a lack of good men/women to get them to step up to the plate. Unfortunately, in the process, you remove yourself from the list of good men/women. Perhaps you should step up to meet them.

Ladies... please, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not use the sentence "I'm not like most girls". Yes, yes you are. You are just like most girls, and guess what? Most girls also said they were not like most girls. Please, just realize, that while you may be an individual, you may be unique in your own ways, you are still like most girls... because you are a girl. Unless you're a complete tomboy, or don't like anything remotely feminine, you are indeed like most girls. You play the same games, think the same way, and want the same guys that most girls do.

There's a section you have to fill out on a certain, well, fishy, website that indicates what you're looking for. I'm particularly fond of the option "isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment". So, quick question... why exactly are you here? On the same website, you have to choose your level of education. I'm sorry, Mr. 21 years old, but you do not have a graduate degree. You've been out of high school for three years, and a graduate degree would take you at least six years. Do you even know what a graduate degree is?

Lying. Why bother? If you ever met up, the other person would find out eventually that you're not really a model or a firefighter. I don't care if those are more interesting occupations than a receptionist and a janitor... I don't care if you work at an electronics store, a grocery store, a restaurant, or if you're a CEO of some big company somewhere. You have to be honest, because no relationship can work based on lies. And no one likes being lied too. Have you ever noticed on these sites that every girl is a supposed model. Good grief.

Height and body type. I've found that a lot of people either lie or are delusional when it comes to this part of their profile. Girls and guys lie differently here, girls are a bit hard on themselves, and guys are much more delusional. Ladies tend to underestimate their body type, or are rather accurate. An average girl may put "a few extra pounds" or a girl who is a few extra pounds might put "average". But typically girls aren't that far off in their estimations. Sometimes you'll see a girl who has low self esteem choose something a little bit off, but that's not overly common. Girls almost never lie about their height, because they have no need to... it's okay to be a short girl, a little less okay to be a tall girl, but it is what it is. I say almost because I've seen a girl lie about her height first hand. She claimed to be 5'5", but was probably closer to 5'7" or 5'8". She also lied about her weight and said she was athletic when she was actually a bit heavier than average. She was so concerned that the guy would be lying about being 6' tall, because she wanted to wear heels... if you're 5'5", you're fine to wear heels even if the guy is actually 5'10". Red flag. She was clearly more than 1.5 inches taller than me, and if she was athletic, I'm a flipping twig.

Guy's on the other hand lie, and lie often. A short guy is honest about his height. A tall guy is honest about his height. The guy who's 5'11" or just over, is the most likely to lie and say he's 6'. Probably because he's most likely to get away with it. Weight wise, they lie all the time. A thin guy is thin, an athletic guy is athletic. An average guy is athletic, a guy with a few extra pounds is average. Then there are those (men and women) who chose prefer not to say. Which is entirely pointless because there's a photo of you on your profile, come on! I can see that you're not athletic, buddy... your double chin and chubby cheeks, and the bulging tummy tell me that. Sorry to disappoint. Also, what do you consider athletic? Can you run a mile? Can you lift 150lbs? Or can you just climb a set of stairs without sweating too much? Should we have a different option, somewhere between athletic and average? I feel like we may be missing some people here.

Speaking of photos. Uh oh, you're gonna get an earful now. Guys, for the love of God, please don't put a shirtless mirror picture up. Also, don't put up a shirtless photo that your buddy took in your bathroom/bedroom/living room/kitchen, etc. That's just awkward. Very little is douche-ier than the shirtless photo for the sake of having a shirtless photo. Even worse is when your pants are so low that we can almost see everything else too. Have you never heard of leaving something to the imagination? *^%*. Really though, there is one type of acceptable shirtless photo. Beach photos... maybe you went on vacation, or maybe you were out boating with friends, wake boarding, etc... or maybe you're a competitive swimmer (or just like swimming). Feel free to post pictures of yourself at the beach, on a boat, or at the pool, shirtless. Otherwise, please keep the shirt on. Don't even lift it to show your abs. There are girl versions of this mistake too, and these should be avoided as well. The chest shot... it's common, and it's distasteful. You've pulled your shirt down farther to show a bit of your lacy bra and a lot of your cleavage, or you've angled the camera just right to give the world a peek of what's down your shirt. Even better are the mirror photos of you in your bra and panties. Do you have no self respect? Honestly... keep your cloths on, the world can infer what you look like under it all, without you showing them, it's not like you wear a garbage bag that hides your body shape. Again, the only acceptable mostly bare body shot is in a bikini at the beach, or on a boat. Not in a mirror, or a photo shot by you for the sake of showing a bunch of dudes what you look like under your clothes. Show some self respect already.

Other picture problems include, but are not limited to: webcam photos (crappy quality, even your cell phone probably takes better photos, particularly if you have a fancy iPhone); posting photos of you drunk (men and women) or drinking in excess (beer bongs, and drinking from a jug, or straight from the bottle of vodka... it is, however okay to show you having a drink while out with friends in a tasteful photo); posting photos of you doing stupid **** like hanging off a bridge or doing a wheely on your crotch rocket while you speed down the highway, photos of you wearing sunglasses, particularly inside the house; overly sexual photos; exposing yourself in your photo; you not being IN your photo; not stating which person you are in a group photo, particularly if it's the only photo of you on your profile; posting photos of you surrounded by attractive men/women, particularly if they're half naked (whatever is the opposite sex for you and matching the gender you're interested in, it may make your potential match up feel inadequate), without indicating that he or she is your sister, brother, bestfriend, etc; posting photos with your ex; tasteless/unclassy photos (you've all seen them); posting a photo of you smoking when you claim not to; photos of you doing drugs; and for the ladies - pouty photos. Just don't include these photos. Your photos are the first thing anyone sees... they look at them and make an instant decision about whether or not to continue reading your profile (if they even bother reading profiles), so maybe don't put up a photo that's going to make them think you're a jackass or an unclassy girl.

Unfortunately for you, there are more mistakes to be made in your profile. Guys in particular have a habit of choosing a headline that might be funny to other guys, but definitely isn't funny to girls. Ironically, it's isn't guys that you're trying to impress here, so maybe get a clue and put something a bit less immature or dirty in your headline. I know it's tough to think of something to put in that mandatory box, but if you want to get a girl's attention and keep it, don't throw the guy jokes in the headline! Ladies, bitter and/or vindictive profiles are not good... I don't care if you still have issues left over from the last guy that you crossed paths with, it's not the potential new guy's problem. You're just going to scare him away with your bitterness, and trust me, it does show in your profile. Also, don't swear like a sailor/trucker in your profile, it's just not attractive. Girls shouldn't (but do) show their low self-esteem by making comments about themselves that might be derogatory, self-deprecating, or just negative... guys do this too sometimes, but much less often. Unless you expect someone to fix you (and you shouldn't, it's not their job to), there is no reason to talk about yourself that way.

Do not, at any time in your profile (or messages!), tell someone who they should be. Don't say "you need to be this" or "you need to be that" . No, I don't, she doesn't, and he doesn't. You need your partner to be those things. Feel free to reword those sentences to "It's very important than my partner love dogs, as I have three" or "I have a beautiful little girl, so I really need a partner who can get along with children", but don't have the balls to tell us what we need to be. Also don't tell them who they can't be. Please state what is a deal breaker for you "I won't date a smoker, because I'm allergic to cigarette smoke" or "I'm not interested in being with a heavy drinker or someone into drugs, or anyone with children". You'll notice those are worded as being your issue, not theirs. The closest I come to telling someone what to be in my profile is telling them to be themselves. Imagine having the nerve to tell someone who to be. You can stick that where the sun doesn't shine, my friend. Get it? Got it? Good.

Last but certainly not least... grammar. You're at least 18 years of age. You've attended at least a few years of school, maybe even graduated, perhaps you have a post-secondary degree. So why, pray tell, can you not spell? Please don't write your profile in 'txt speak'... the odd lol is fine and dandy, but please use full words and proper sentence structure, capitalization, punctuation, and spacing in your profile AND messages. No one wants to spend all night trying to decipher the cryptic message that is your profile. It's like trying to read the bloody hieroglyphics. Or Russian. Or any language foreign to you for that matter. Spelling isn't that hard, and there are ways to make sure you're not messing it up. Believe it or not, most browsers (thats the internet window you have open... Safari, IE, Mozzilla, Firefox, etc) have spell check on them. Use it.

Now, as for messaging, there are so many mistakes made. First off, don't ever send a message that consists of "hey, how's it going?". Those never move past a fourth message because you haven't given the other person anything to work with. If you can't carry a conversation, internet dating might not be the best choice for you, since the entire interaction starts out with conversation. There's nothing more annoying than receiving a message from someone (perhaps it said 'hey how's it going?"), not replying, and getting a message from the same person a few days later. This mistake is made even better when you message the same person multiple times (with no response) with the same damn message. Have you ever thought that the poor message was the problem? Change it, write a real message, and see what happens, or leave the person alone, they clearly don't want to talk to you. Also, please don't send a generic message... or one that you've pre written and just copied and pasted into every message you've sent to various people. They can tell.

As a general rule of thumb, girls don't want to talk to guys younger than them. This is particularly true of a college graduate being messaged by a fresh out of high school 18 year old guy. Please try to stick within a reasonable age range. Some girls do like younger guys, but generally, not so much. Also, an early 20's girl probably doesn't want to be getting messages from 30 somethings. Just use your common sense (if that exists anymore), and message someone of an appropriate age. Don't be a creeper.

One huge mistake is to make your first message to someone (this is called first contact) about yourself. Don't just write a blurb about yourself and say "hope to hear from you". Write something that can engage/start a conversation... no one wants a message about you, that's what you're profile is for. If the person wants to know about you, they'll read the profile or ask. Also don't have the balls (guys or girls) to call someone by a term of endearment in the first couple of messages (or really prior to meeting at all). I'm not (nor is anyone else you've just sent your first message to) your hun, babe, sweety, cutie, baby, sexy, etc. You can tell him or her that you think they are a real cutie, or pretty, gorgeous, handsome, attractive, sexy, etc. But please, never refer to them as those things in place of their name. "Hey babe", is typically not something people want to hear from someone they don't know.

Don't be cocky or arrogant. No one likes a douche, or a self-centered girl. It's not an attractive quality. Learn the line between confidence and cockiness, and you'll be good. Try not to toe the line too much. Don't argue with someone in these messages, or insult them. That's just ridiculous, and completely uncalled for. Also don't make assumptions about the other person, prior to speaking to them, especially if you're making these assumptions based on a profile that's as vague as yours. Do not ask, after one returned message, for someone's phone number, MSN (do people still use that?), email address, facebook, myspace, etc. Boundaries exist for a reason, and the sites tell you not to put up your full name, address, email, phone number, etc, for a reason. Also, do not give out this information if someone asks for it so soon.

Never ask anyone if they're looking for some late night fun, if you haven't read the "looking for/interested in/seeking" section of their profile. Chances are the answer is no, and you're just going to lower someone else's confidence in finding someone on that seemingly ridiculous site.

One of the biggest (and most annoying) mistakes is that people message people without reading their profile first. I don't care if my profile is the length of a novella, I've told you a bunch of pieces of key information that you don't need to ask me again in your message. There's a lot in there, use it to your advantage. Another bad idea is asking these two stupid questions. 1) "So what brings you to this site?" Pretty sure I'm here for the same reason as everyone else here. 2)"So how is this site working out for you?" Well, I'm still here, aren't I?

And one of the most obvious mistakes is never messaging anyone. You can't expect to meet anyone if you don't initiate some sort of contact with them. If you're too shy to send a message, add them to your favourites list, indicate that you'd like to meet them, or at the very least change your profile settings to allow people to see that you've viewed their profile, so they know you exist. It's hard for someone to send a message to someone they don't know exists.

Once you start talking to someone, and you've been talking for a while (but maybe haven't met yet, or maybe you have, either way), there are more mistakes. Don't talk too often/frequently, or too much, right away. You'll run out of things to say after a week and a half if you do. Don't get too invested... yes you've put some time into talking with this person, but you don't have to end up with them... you don't have to feel like you need to see it through. Don't get too attached! This makes you clingy and needy, and no one likes that... they'll get scared away, and you'll be left feeling dejected. Don't act like you're in a relationship after meeting once. Don't let yourself get jealous of other people he or she spends time with... they aren't your partner yet. Don't start talking about your future together after one week of talking. Don't spend your days asking random questions... this is just annoying. Don't flake out on the first date, and don't lead them on if you're really not interested.

More don'ts. Don't meet in a private place, this is just stupid and dangerous, and definitely do not get into the other person's car on the first date. Absolutely do not send nude/revealing/sexual pictures of yourself to someone you don't know very well, via text message, email, etc. Also, don't do cybersex... this verges on creepy, and should be a red flag if someone asks you do it. Don't move to fast... no one wants to be rushed into a relationship. Ladies, don't chase him... men are hardwired to chase, let him do it. Ladies, never pay for him on the first date... he can buy his own dinner, if not yours as well. Men, don't be so brass as to ask her to pay for you. Get real.

Don't write someone off before giving them a chance, but also don't settle for someone who's absolutely not your type. You're not desperate, and the right one will come along, even if they're only mr/ms right now. Do not be fake... no one likes fake people. And most of all, don't be afraid of getting hurt. It could happen, but it might not.

How to be successful at online dating

Now, this post wouldn't be complete without a list of do's. Use photos of you doing things you love, photos of you with your friends having fun (but remember to point out which person you are!), with your pets, on vacation, whatever shows the world who you are. Write the damn profile. Are you that lazy that you can't write two paragraphs about yourself? Talk about yourself, without bragging. Talk about memorable times in your life, the things you enjoy, trips you've been on, and the things you value. Talk about what makes you unique (not in an arrogant, cocky way). Let everyone know who you are, the unique combination of things you like, your personalities traits... you know, what makes you, you. Oh, and if you're funny, don't be afraid to make your profile a bit humourous! Be honest and truthful, the lies won't get you anywhere because it all comes out eventually. Don't waste everyone's time with your silly lies. Read the person's profile! You can prove you've done so by including a comment or question about something mentioned in the profile. Even better is to comment on multiple things from various parts of the profile, which proves that you took the time to read the whole thing. Know the kind of person you're going to attract based on what you put in your profile and the pictures you included... if you're photos a revealing, you'll probably get a certain type of person messaging you... make sure that's who you want a message from. Use spellcheck. And maybe a dictionary or thesaurus. Or at least have a friend proof read it... or hey, maybe your mom could do it for you.

Always meet for the first time on neutral territory, at a mall, bowling, a dog park, coffee shop (preferably not where your friend works...), etc, where there are other people. Laugh and have fun on your date... and just BE YOURSELF. There's nothing more attractive than someone who knows who they are. Mostly just do the exact opposite of everything I told you was a mistake... all while still being yourself (it's not as hard as it sounds... it just about using common sense).

And remember. It's called a conversation. Try it sometime.

Now that you have these guidelines set out for you, maybe, just maybe, we can cycle out all of those people who've been around for months and bring in some fresh meat... and have the same problem all over again.

B.

The Loss of Resolutions

2011-12-28T16:45:00.004-07:00

As 2011 comes to an end and 2012 approaches, the annual question of New Year's resolutions arises. "Do you have any New Year's resolutions this year?" "Yeah, do you?"

Unfortunately, it seems that these days, the idea of a resolution has been confused with something we could more accurately describe as goals. It seems that as we cycle through the generations, the meaning of things warps and twists, and the true definition of something becomes entirely lost to the new generation. 'Resolution' seems to be the concept of the season, now that Christmas has passed, to be lost.

Lately I've been hearing and reading about resolutions being made across North America and the odd one in other parts of the world, and the more I read, the more I feel like people have no idea what a resolution is. Now, I'll admit that I haven't always cared much about resolutions. For the most part I actually felt that resolutions were a ridiculous waste of brain energy, because after the first week of the new year, no one managed to stick with their resolutions. It also seemed to me that people did not make resolutions to achieve something or to stick to, but rather just for the sake of making a resolution.

Now that I've gotten a bit older, have more time to do the things I want to do, and find myself wanting to make changes in my life, I've chosen to make a couple of resolutions. My resolutions are resolutions, not goals. I have goals, they're entirely separate from my resolutions. My resolutions include eating better, having a fitness routine, and working towards being more social. My goals include getting back into horses, going back to school (again), learning more about photography, and various other things that I'd like to do.

However, as I read other's resolutions, I've noticed that they all resemble goals... they're one time things, an outcome, rather than a year long challenge for themselves. You used to find people resolving to quit smoking, save a certain amount of money each paycheck/month, lose weight, gain weight, drink less, and the like. Now you see things like run a marathon (which could still count, but a better resolution would be train for a marathon), graduate, sell a horse, move, etc. Things that are not truly resolutions.

I feel like telling people that what they're using as their 2012 resolutions aren't resolutions, but my nature prevents me from slapping them with this reality. I may be sarcastic, minorly snarky, and a touch bitter or harsh in some of my posts here, but I really am a kind person and I haven't yet figured out how to tell someone that they have no clue what a resolution is.

Maybe I'll resolve to figure that one out too. Or is that a goal?

Owning the podium?

2010-03-15T19:36:00.002-06:00

With the Vancouver 2010 Olympics done and gone what will the world do? We'll carry on as usual of course, and so will the athletes who felt defeat and felt pride in Vancouver. And those of us who got to take part in history, we will marvel at how fast time passes and smile when we look back and say "I was there".

I was there... When I arrived home to Alberta and watched the remainder of the Olympics on my television, I would see the places I'd been. I would see the things I enjoyed and the athletes I'd watched compete. I kept saying "I was there."

I will never again have an opportunity that compares to this one. I have felt a national pride that had been lying dormant within me for my entire life. Never have I been so proud as the day I watched the Canadian speed skater receive her gold medal. Never have I felt so much pride radiating from those around me, and my own pride swell up in my chest as we watched the Canadian flag rise to the national anthem. You could hear each and every word as the collective came together into one voice.

Never have I been so impressed as I was by Clara Hughes' incredible race, or by Charles Hamlin when he won two gold medals in one night, with only a short break in between races.

Never have I been so excited about hockey as when Sidney Crosby managed to, by some stroke of luck, score that winning goal and give Canada its historical gold medal count. And never have I been so proud of our female athletes as I was when our girls took gold and silver in the women's two man bobsled.

Now, not to be left out of course, the USA did incredible, clearly dominating the medal counts, and they certainly gave Canada a run for its money in both the men's and women's gold medal hockey games. Shawn White dominated the halfpipe once again, receiving a nearly perfect score. The USA also managed to get two athletes on the podium at the same time multiple times. They have certainly proven themselves to be outstanding athletes, and I am proud to call them our neighbours.

While the USA dominated the medal count, Canada dominated the gold medal count, having won more gold medals in one winter games than any country has ever won at a single winter games. Just a short time before Crosby's miraculous goal (I call it Crosby's but I really should give major credit to Iginla for the pass that got the puck to the Kid), Canada had the most gold medals ever won by the host country. And to think, Alexandre Bilodeau's gold medal in men's moguls was Canada's first ever gold medal on Canadian soil (or was that hay...). What an impressive feat on Canada's part. We may not have owned the podium on all three levels, but we certainly did rise above and stood tall in the center of that podium. I say we owned just enough of that podium to be proud of our country. And then some.

P.s... there were certainly some disappointments and downsides to the Olympics for each country... Russia's loss to Canada in men's hockey, the loss of the Georgian luger, injuries and defeats, Canada's performance in halfpipe (we had so much talent that should have been showcased... next time, okay?), and many others... but I felt that the positives out weighed the bad. Let's aim higher next time guys, from everywhere. As the Olympic motto states, citius, altius, fortius - faster, higher, stronger.

The Olympic Approach

2009-12-18T23:31:00.004-07:00

So the days are counting down, and the beauty that is the Olympics is approaching fast. Less than two months and the world's top winter sport athletes will be congregating in and around Vancouver.

While I'm still a bit bitter about our ticket misfortune, I am quite excited for the Olympics. I'm looking forward to meeting people from across the world, getting out of this town, and taking in the glory of it all. Now, before you get too rile up about it, thinking "Oh yes, PARTAY!", I have some innate personality traits that I can not remove or set aside for even one week or one night for that matter, so I will not be partying in the typical college student way. I'll be out and about, but sober, with a camera glued to my hand. Expect pictures of, well, EVERYTHING.

Now, to start it off, in just under a month, the Olympic flame will be coming through the city where I attend college, so you bet I'm going to be there, even if I have to cut class to do so. There is nothing, not even white out conditions, that will stop me from being there... unless, of course, the relay is post-poned due to those white-out conditions, or the frigid temperatures that we're known for here in Alberta.

Now, many of the Canadian athletes have already been announced, others have not. The one group that I am following the progress and announcement of is the Canadian snowboard team, particularly the halfpipe riders. I'm rooting big time for the "kids" featured on Over the Bolts - Dominique Vallee, Mercedes Nicoll, and Jeff Batchelor. They're each in the running, just out of reach at this point... searching for one more top five placing at an international level event. And each of them has the potential and talent to do so. Everyone in Canada should be rooting for these riders, they've worked so hard to get to this place, and they deserve to compete on home snow, and bring a little glory to Canada, perhaps. Then of course, there are the seasoned veterans who competed in the 2006 Olympics in Torino, Italy, like Crispin Lipscomb (who happens to be featured in two McDonald's commercials), who are training their asses off to secure a spot on the Olympic team, all while bypassing many of the competitions that the young guys and gals are trying to dominate. Lets cheer them all on, Canada, and show a bit of pride for our nation. We're going to do better than ever this time, and we'll show everyone that here in Canada, where we have six months of winter, we are damn good at what we do.

And while we're at it, lets show some international love and unity, which is the entire point of this massive competition that is the Olympics (while we ignore the fact that competition divides rather than unites...). Everyone be sure to turn your T.V.'s on to the Olympics this February!

OH, and Merry Christmas everyone!

Fake Snow on Christmas...

2009-11-14T18:18:00.002-07:00

My cousin and I began planning a vacation for reading week (that's spring break for all you party-ers down in the USA) coming up in February. Where to, you ask? Well, the Vancouver 2010 Olympics, of course! And tickets were going on sale this weekend! We had it all planned out... fly out on Friday evening, after class. Stay at his friends' place for the week, and fly back on Monday more than a week after arriving. We'd see the men's snowboard halfpipe finals at Cyprus Mountain and the men's Canada/USA hockey game, hit up a couple victory ceremonies (with concerts afterwards) and fill the rest of our week with local Olympic celebrations. It was shaing up to be an epic week.

Then, we realize, plane tickets to Vancouver on Friday are about $150 more than they are to fly out on Monday. Okay, so we'll leave on the 15th instead of the 13th, not a big deal. It'd still be a week in VanCity.

We got our hands on a Visa card (proud supporter of the Vancouver 2010 winter olympics, and the only payment card accepted by the olympics as a result), and were all set up to input the required information to our account last night. To our surprise, the website had been changed in preparation for today's ticket sales. You could no longer log in, their "fair" system had been implemented.

This is how the system works. You go to buy tickets, you get put in a waiting room. The page automatically refreshes itself every 30 seconds, to save you from having to do it. Upon refreshing, the program behind this allegedly chooses, randomly, whether you go through to buy tickets or if you remain in the waiting room for another go around. Then once you get through, you have 12 minutes to make your transaction. This process was intended to give all Canadians a fair chance at buying tickets. However, this was the farthest from fair that you could have possibly gotten.

I opened my browser a short while before the 11am (10am pacific time), and waited excitedly in anticipation of buying the tickets for our epic week. The first hour passed by, then the second, and third. And I watched as the updates of ticket sales were posted. Men's CAN/USA hockey game - sold. Okay, I guess we can find another. About an hour and a half in, men's snowboard halfpipe sold out... okay, we can hit up the women's, it's not a big deal. 2.5 hours in, women's snowboarding sold out. 3.5 hours in, everything but hockey, curling, and victory ceremonies were sold out. A little more than SIX hours after ticket sales began, I left the room for five minutes. I came back to find I had finally been "randomly" selected to buy tickets.

Awesome.

No, not awesome. The end result? A Germany/Belarus hockey game, and men's curling. Have I mentioned that I do not like curling? And perhaps I'm a bad Canadian, but I'm not all that big on hockey, either. I only wanted to see Canada face the USA. But instead, I dropped a lot of money on two sports that I didn't care to see. Two victory ceremonies are also on our list... atleast I'll get to see them award the men's halfpipe winner... and two concerts.

This has become an epic fail.

It's like fake snow on Christmas day... looks like the real thing, gives you a white Christmas, but it's just not quite the same.

BTW, to the not so smart coordinators of the 2010 Olympic ticket sales... FAIR would have been this:

limit ticket amounts per person
limit time allowed for transaction.
DO NOT "randomly" assign people to purchase tickets. Those who were there at 10am should get their tickets before those who showed up a 1pm and got through after five minutes.
DO allow people in in the order in which they arrived. Put through however many people at a time, once they finish up, put through the next round of people, in the ORDER IN WHICH THEY ARRIVED. It is NOT fair to make someone wait 6 hours when they were there at opening, and have those who showed up well after opening go through before them. First-come-first-serve (as was stated on the website) is FIRST come, FIRST serve. If they dawdle along and don't get there in time to buy tickets, it's their problem... but if someone who was there on time DOESN'T get the tickets they want because you ASSHATS had a program "randomly" assigning people to the waiting room, that is NOT fair.

And on another note, there is nothing "random" about this program. It is a statistical improbability that with a 50/50 chance of 'waiting room' or 'tickets' anyone would get 700 'waiting room' assignments in a row. The probability of this is so small, you wouldn't be able to find it on the standard normal curve.

Why musicians of today suck.

2009-07-16T21:01:00.003-06:00

You’ll hear teenaged music enthusiasts around North America complain that so-and-so (pick any band popular today) sucks. Inspired by their favourite bands and musicians to learn to play the instrument of their choice (guitar for me), teenagers suddenly become the know-alls of the music world. They complain about how the members of this band (or that band... pick a card, any card ;) ) can’t even play the instrument they advertise themselves to play. The lead guitarist is weak, playing the same old lines that have been played for decades, merely changing an octave to make the song sound different than their previous hit. The rhythmic guitarist can’t hold a decent riff. The drummer has less sense of rhythm than a guy who can’t dance. The bassist plays the simplest lines, with the volume so low that the sound is lost in the chaos of the junk music it’s supposed to support. The lead vocalist can’t hold a note to save his life. Blah blah blah. Good for you, you can hear the rhythmic issues in a song. Perhaps you can also tell instantly who a new song is by, because (like a certain Canadian band that must be very fond of coinage) every damned song sounds exactly the same. Congratulations, you know nothing of the music business.

To know music is not to know the music business. One would think, certainly it’s common sense, that the two would be intertwined indefinitely. Unfortunately, this is not the case. You see, it has become entirely possible to become ‘famous’ for anyone, even those without talent. The days of talented guitarists, bassists, drummers, and singers have passed and we’re left with the undeniably popular crap of today. You see, people, as a whole, know nothing (or next to nothing anyways) about music. The average person with the radio cranked up as they drive to work in the morning doesn’t give a flying you-know-what about acoustics, melody, or harmony. They don’t care if the lead guitarist has a wicked 25 second solo in the middle of the song, or if the bridge flows aesthetically into the chorus. They honestly couldn’t care less what level of talent the individual musicians have. They merely want entertainment. People are different and yet so very much alike when it comes to music. There are a few types of people. There are you know-all self-proclaimed musicians out there that listen for aesthetically pleasing melodies, harmonies, riffs, solo’s, blending, distortion, beat, count, octaves, tune, notes, flow, hammering on, hammering off, high-low combinations, finger plucking vs. plastic plectrums vs. metal ones, can tell the difference between a soft, medium, and hard plectrums simply by listening, and care what make of guitar the dude is playing. There are those that listen for the lyrics alone, and couldn’t care less about the musical abilities of those performing the song, only expecting to feel something through the lyrics they take in. There are those that disregard lyrics altogether and just want a beat, usually the beat that is the simplest, that they can tap their toes to or bob their head along (*cough*mother*cough*). There are those that are tone-deaf and really can’t tell the difference between good and bad singing, and there are those that just like the song for how it makes them feel, period... perhaps it’s connected to some moment in their life, like a wedding, high school prom, or a favourite commercial for all I care, and it just reminds them of a time in their life that they enjoyed.

You look at those five groups and you know-alls will think you’re clearly the superior group. You look at it from the music world, from the perspective of a company executive, and you lot are the ones that get tossed under the bus. And this is where you’re ignorant to the music world. The music world is not about talent, it’s about money. The corporations look at the population as a whole and sees that the vast majority of people don’t care about a musician’s technical abilities. And so they don’t care. There is a band out there in the ‘popular culture’ world that immense numbers of people like, and the corporations see dollar signs. When a band comes in that is similar to that band, the little green dollar signs are floating around the exec’s heads, as their pupils change like a slot machine. Those record company executives can smell money from a mile away, and they will stop at nothing to keep their own personal economy running on high.

Now you smartass musicians in your little bands that are doing decently on the local scene think you can ‘make it big’ in the pop-culture universe. Come on, admit it... you’ve got plans of how you’re going to record a kick-ass demo and mail it out to all the big companies... Universal, Warner, Sony, Virgin, . Or maybe you’re one of those purists that doesn’t want to be part of that corporate trash you bitch about on a daily basis. In that case, you’re sending out to indie labels, many of which are actually run under one of those major labels I just listed. And here’s what you don’t want to hear... you don’t stand a chance at ‘making it big’. The major labels don’t want you because you don’t fit their standard cut out version of music... you’re too big of a risk for them. If they sign your band and no one buys your album, they’re out of a load of money, and you eventually get dropped. Unfortunately for you, you end up in debt to the company. I bet you didn’t know that the company doesn’t pay for those music videos, tours (busses included), recording studios, production and distribution. They lend you the money for those things, and then once your album starts selling and your tour sells out, they take that money out of what you’ve made. So let’s say your first album is out, and you do well. Guess what? You still haven’t got a dime to your name because that bloody corporation soaked you for most of it... you wanted that extravagant video, now you’ve got to pay for it. On the other hand, let’s say you manage to get signed to a major label, and they don’t force you to change your sound to fit the standard carbon copy style, and you somehow, surprisingly, don’t do well in sales. You’ve borrowed the money from the label to record your album, market it, make a sweet music video, and head out on tour, but you find that your sales have bombed, and the label drops you from its roster. You, my friend, have made no money, and now have to pay back that money that the label seemingly gave to you. Do I hear bankruptcy in your future? Ohhhh yes.

Perhaps you’ll get signed to an indie label that really liked your individuality and attention to detail. Unfortunately there is little money behind indie labels, and as such, you work much harder and often get nowhere in return. Your music videos are of lower quality and have fewer spectacular elements. The recording equipment isn’t as expensive, and you tour in a van you bought with your own money instead of a lavish tour bus. Marketing is less intensive, so sales are low, and your tours may never sell out. But you’re happy, because you’re making quality music, your way. Eventually you’ll give it up because there’s no money in it.

So feel free to complain about the quality of music today. But remember, everything that is ‘popular culture’ is run by those that are fuelled by greed. The music business is not about music, it’s about money. You may have more talent, but no one really cares what you think. You are the disposable audience... the execs will gladly sacrifice a few of you to gain the rest of the population’s approval. Thanks for staying true to music, but money makes the world go ‘round.

Facing Decisions

2009-06-15T15:12:00.003-06:00

It’s officially (weather-wise) summer here, and I am regretting a decision I made. Actually, I‘ve realized a number of mistakes I‘ve made and I‘m feeling the stress associated with them. I made the decision to turn down a job that I’d been wanting for the past year. It would have taken me away from my home for a few months, away from my horses, and away from the few people I can call friends. And I chose not to go. Now I wish I was anywhere but here. I sat out on my porch last night, and watched the darkening sky. One lone star twinkling in the distance. The smell of the night surrounding me. Cool air engulfing me, taking my mind off of matters that I can’t seem to wash away. The dogs silently sleeping in their cages inside the house, within viewing distance. And I slid the door shut behind me and listened to the neighbours across the street talking and having fun on a Sunday night. The calm stillness of the night washed over me and I resisted the urge to go for a walk. And I was reminded of why I sleep with my window open every night from the first evening it’s warm enough outside to leave it open. And my flowers and strawberry plants wouldn’t face the frost last night, and today they bloomed for the first time in a month. For once, for what seemed like the first time in ages, my mind was a blank slate. Free of all thoughts and worries. Free of concern. Free of wonder. And I was returned to a state of comfort and amazement at what silence and nature can do. But then I was reminded that, had I taken that job, I would have felt that cool air and beautiful calmness every night.

Having returned to my room, I found myself listening to the never ending sound of my neighbour’s air conditioner… quite possibly the only one in the entire town… wondering why I have the misfortune of being the one whose bedroom window is directly across from the deafening machine. I’ve know my neighbour for years now, and I have never been so happy to see a neighbour uncomfortable, than I was when that A/C machine broke down last summer. I often wonder if perhaps a well aimed shot with a water gun will solve the issue.

I suppose the point of making a mistake is to learn from it, but when you make multiple mistakes over the years and realized them all at once, things seem bleak for a while. I’ve been angry enough with myself these past few days that it’s time I try to fix whatever I can and move on with it all. There is no use dwelling on past decisions, after all. I will return to my never ending worry of the future. Hopefully in the morning, because I’ve grown tired of lying awake in bed thinking about everything instead of sleeping.

Success

2009-06-09T19:37:00.007-06:00

I was going to save this entry for later, but something that someone said today brought it into mind and I figure I may as well post this now.

Success is defined in many different ways. By simply typing the word "success" into the search box at http://www.dictionary.com/, you are given a range of definitions, varying from 'the achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted' to 'a person or thing that is successful'. Obviously there is a difference betwee those two definitions... one describes an outcome and one describes an object that has succeeded. The most common definition of success in today's world is 'the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like'. When I say common I mean that if you pulled a random person off of the street and asked them to define success, that is what you are likely to hear as their response.

It's become the goal of many to succeed. To succeed in the work place, at sports, with money, and 'status', or rather, power. Unfortunately for most people, this type of success is often unatainable. No one wants to feel like a failure in any respect of their life, but I think that people's ideas of success and failure are too narrow and skewed to accurately reflect their lives. If a person has no money, they have failed. If a person owns a 5 million dollar home, they have succeeded. Live in a gated community by the 18 hole golf course? Success. Live in the trailer park with the worst yard in the area? Failure. Have a menial job pushing paper where no one knows your name, but your family and you can comfortably go on a trip each year? Failure. You're a failure because no one knows your name. Because you are not of 'status'.

In my opinion, the best definition of success is the one that simply says 'the act of succeeding', though it is often considered too broad of a definition, as it doesn't really describe success. A person that knows nothing of what it means to succeed will not understand this defintion. However, that is not the point. By giving success the definition of attaining power, wealth and honor, society has created a mindset that power and wealth are the most important achievements in life.

I wrote something a while back, in my attempts at deciding my future, educationaly, occupationally, and actions in general. To my surprise, I discovered something about myself in the process. I discovered my definition of success. I discovered what I want to succeed at and how I will do so. And I discovered my definition of failure.

One day I'll get around to posting some of the things I've written over the years, but I won't today. The gist of what I wrote that day is that success, to me, is following my dreams and passions. As far as failure, I stated

The only way you can truly fail, is to realize your dreams and passions, and not try to achieve them. Quitting doesn't equal failure, never trying does.

For me, success is trying to be the best I can be, and do the things I love. To live a life of happiness and love, and enjoy as much of it as I can. For me, that involves having a job I love, friendship, family, and contributing to society... making a difference. Success to most people is gaining. Gaining status, money, contacts. But to me, it's giving. Giving what I can to help those that need it. Wisdom is one thing that the world is in dire need of. Wisdom is the ability to see things from multiple perspectives and making the best decision to solve a problem. Most people see only one point of view, and as a result, decisions are rash, and not always the best for themselves, or for others. The point of this blog is to find different perspectives on many issues, situations, and matters of today's world. Through this blog I can succeed, in one way anyways.

The key to success is not to be better than everyone else, but to be the best you can be. You have to pick your success, what it is that matters to you. Happiness is what matters to me, but I also know that a lot of people just want that wealth, that power, and that status. So I suppose my point is that the definition of success is specific to each and every person. The one thing that is constant is that if you aren't trying to be the best that you can be, you aren't succeeding... settling is not success. So I repeat, the best definition of success is 'the act of succeeding', as useless as that definition really is.

So what is success to you? What matters to you?

The Simple Things in Life That Put You at Ease

2009-05-30T21:31:00.001-06:00

As I walked around the peaceful lake in my home town for the first time since October, I mulled this entry over. I wanted to make sure this post would be well informed, and something I knew fully. I didn’t want to spill and tell everyone my intellectual secrets, wasting future topics right off the bat, so choosing was key. Normally I have my earphones plugged into my cell phone (no iPod...) when I go for these lovely two hour walks so I won’t find myself in a one person conversation. However, since that was the very goal today, I left the earphones at home and ventured out into the wilderness within town limits intent on finding the perfect entry. These walks are usually plagued by mosquitoes, bees and the occasional town idiot on his four-wheeler on a path that is clearly marked ‘no motorized vehicles’. I even came upon three young girls riding their horses down the trail once, which was something I had often considered doing myself, but then thought better of it. Today, aside from mere exercise, my much awaited walk was a needed break from FreeCell and Sudoku puzzles, and my futile attempts at regaining my musical abilities via my guitar.

Then I realized that this is my topic. That is to say, the simple things in life which leave you at ease with the world. Maybe it’s a jog in the morning, perhaps an hour in front of the television watching your favourite show. Whatever it is, it takes you away from the stress of everyday life and resets your perspective for the day.

Many of us don’t take the time out for ourselves to reset in such a way. I go for months without enjoying any of the simple pleasures that put my mind at ease, usually during the wintertime. If I lived in a warmer climate (perhaps year round sunshine and beach weather) I might find myself engaging in activities that I enjoy so much.

I often find myself mindlessly playing FreeCell, averaging 2 minutes per game before clicking ‘okay’ to start the next deal. This has led to a scary level of mastery of the game that I never intended to achieve. My current statistics tell of a 100% win streak, 860 games won, 0 lost. In previous times I have had more than one thousand games won in a row, and every time I do lose a game, I reset the score and start over again. These past 860 games have been played within the last two weeks or less, and as I think about it, have been a complete waste of time.
I also recently rekindled my love affair with Sudoku puzzles. I typically filled in the weekly puzzle in our regional newspaper, but in an attempt to clean out my closet that hasn’t been organized in years, I dug out a book of Sudoku puzzles and got sidetracked from my cleaning job. In the past four days, I’ve secretly completed 68 Sudoku puzzles. Also, I realize, an immense waste of time. I’m not going to lie, I’d like to think that these puzzles will really make me more intelligent, but somehow I don’t think they will.

So rather than waste more time, I went for a long walk around the lakes today, alone, in my home town. And suddenly I remembered why I had made a habit out of it in the past. A pair of Canadian geese was twelve feet from me, with their eight goslings. I spent two hours listening to ducks splashing in the lake, birds chirping and singing in the trees, the occasional squirrel scurrying up a tree, and the flitting wings of dragonflies. The lilac bushes are in full bloom and the fragrances of the wild shrubs, trees and flowers filled the area, building on the scent of the woodchip pathway. This puts me at ease. It takes me back to nature, to a place where none of the stresses of life matter.

I’ve also found myself enjoying a game of soccer with my dog. Or a Frisbee session, or even just sitting outside on a warm, sunny day with him lying next to me. I used to take him for walks, but he’s in need of obedience training and the walks are less peaceful than I’d like. A good book, a few moments with a guitar in a quiet place, or a beautiful place with a pencil and notebook are also on my list of simple things that put me at ease with the world.

Rodeo, Chuckwagon Racing and the Inevitable Rise of the Teenager.

2009-05-28T23:46:00.007-06:00

I'm choosing to make my first official post to this blog about the wonderful western tradition of rodeo and the little known (outside of Alberta) sport of chuckwagon racing. There are a number of issues I'd like to touch on in this post, and hopefully I can educate while I make my point. There are also a number of reasons why I chose to make this my first post. For one, the chuckwagon season started on May 27th, up in Grande Prairie, Alberta. I also have many friends within the rodeo community, and one incident over the weekend had me in an anxiety ridden state.

Lets start off with chuckwagon racing, shall we?

Chuckwagon racing can be found all over North America. You'll find it in small towns throughout the United States, but the most predominant area of racing is in Alberta, Canada. In fact, Alberta is THE place to be if you want to watch a chuckwagon race. It has been hailed Alberta's original extreme sport, and for good reason. Even the website of the WPCA (World Professional Chuckwagon Association) has been named http://www.halfmileofhell.com/. The half mile of hell is just that, a half mile (give or take... it's usually 3/8 - 5/8 of a mile) dirt track with more horses and men full out galloping than you would think would be safe. But as extreme and sometimes frightening as it is, it's a huge part of Alberta's history and it continues to be a major attraction throughout the summer.

The Dodge Pro Tour starts in Grande Prairie every year, and works its way through eleven (this year) towns and cities in Alberta and Northern British Columbia. The Ponoka Stampede is one stop that I frequent often. The Calgary Stampede brings chuckwagon racing to the world, through television and internet coverage on the CBC website http://www.cbc.ca/. These are by far the two biggest stops on the tour. Ponoka lasts six nights and Calgary, ten. Not only are they the longest, they are also located at the two biggest rodeo grounds in Canada. The stands are packed with fans each night, no matter the location, and people of all ages can be found cheering on their favourite drivers.

The WPCA is one of a handful of associations in Canada, including the Western Chuckwagon Association (WCA), and the Canadian Professional Chuckwagon Association (CPCA). Despite the titles "World" and "Canadian", the majority of drivers are from Alberta. Some of the drivers, however, are from Saskatchewan and British Columbia.

The basics of chuckwagon racing, or rather, what you need to know about the chucks while you watch a race are as follows. Each race has a set number of wagons and outriders. Some races have three wagons per heat (race) while others have four... this is dependent on the size of the infield of the track in that particular town or city. Places such as Bonnyville have three wagons per heat, while Ponoka, Red Deer, and Calgary have four. Each wagon has one driver and four horses (lead team and wheel team). Each driver has two to four outriders. Outriders are guys who ride horses alongside (more often and appropriately behind) the wagon. They are essentially jockeys, though their job requires a bit more work. In a race with two outriders per wagon, one outrider holds the lead team on the wagon, while the other guy is behind the wagon, waiting to toss a rubber stove into the stove rack on the back of the wagon. When there are four outriders, those two guys do the same, while two others are in back with the stove guy, waiting to throw the tent pegs into the back of the wagon (and hopefully not hit the driver in the back of the head! heh). When the horn blows, each outrider does as they are supposed to, and the wagon takes off, completing a figure-eight around two barrels, then running the length of the track. The outriders are on the ground, running to the second barrel, then make the athletic jump onto a moving horse, complete the figure-eight as well, and burn down the track after their wagon. Outriders must finish within a certain distance from their wagon, or the driver incurs a penalty. Barrels must stay standing, stove and pegs must be in the wagon, wagons must stay on course, and drivers must not interfere with each other, or penalties will be given. Most races come down to hundredths of a second difference, so any penalty will hinder the driver's standings.

Now, people like me, who follow the chucks beyond just viewing, like to keep an eye on the standings. Drivers and outriders are given points according to race results. Obviously drivers who win races are given more points. That driver's outriders also recieve more points than the other driver's outriders. It's common for outriders to have very high points compared to drivers because they are riding more than one race each night. Some of the best can be riding in every race of the night. There is no limit on how many outriders there can be in the association, but there is a limit on drivers. There are always 36 drivers in the WPCA. They will race in every location, aside from the Calgary Stampede, for the season. The top 30 are safe for the next year, but the bottom 6 must compete against each other and other drivers in order to race in the association the following year. The Calgary Stampede sets the cut off different each year, and the remaining spots available at the CS are by invitation only.

If you watch long enough, you come to know who is the best of the best, whether it's outriders or drivers. I have to sing the praises of the Sutherland family http://www.sutherlandracing.ca/about.aspx (YES, chuckwagon racing is a family affair!), that has Kirk, Kelly (the King) and Kelly's son, Mark, all competing. Kelly has been dominating the standings for longer than I've been alive, and Mark is following closely in his footsteps, or, wheel tracks if you will. Mark uses a GPS on his wagon to clock his speed, and has been dubbed by long time race announcer, Les McIntire, the "High-tech Redneck". Another family worth noting is the Bensmiller family http://bensmillerracing.com/. Buddy Bensmiller has raised his three sons, David, Kurt, and Chance, into great drivers. The three sons do some outriding as well, but are better known for their driving. Also high on the list of great drivers, Troy Dorchester, Jerry Bremner, Jason Glass, Mike Vigen, brothers Luke and Leo Tournier, and Hugh Sinclair.

Outriders are a bit more varied, genetically and in background. Todd Goodley is from New Zealand. Chance Flad, at only 16 years of age last year was the top rookie outrider, even after missing out on the final few stops on tour after being kicked in the stomache by a horse. Reo King (also a great horse therapist) started outriding at 12 years of age and has consistently been one of the top outriders in the WPCA. Chanse Vigen (24, son of driver, Mike Vigen) has been world champion outrider three times in eight years, and came in second last year. Chad Cosgrave beat Chanse Vigen by only a few points to become world champion in 2008. Many outriders start out as barn hands for the drivers and eventually decided to try outriding. Logan James did this, as did the previously mentioned Chance Flad (whose cousins are drivers Troy and Darcy Flad).

There ARE accidents. The first race of the 2009 season saw one driver's horses refusing to turn, which led to the horses ramming into the side of another driver's wagon. The driver who was hit lost a wheel, but completed the race (probably because the horses were spooked and wouldn't stop) and ended up in second out of four because one of the two unharmed wagons knocked a barrel, recieving a five second penalty. The other driver didn't get to race. There were other glitches as well, but no one was injured. The safety of all involved, be they horses or humans comes first before the desire to race. There HAVE been injuries... to horse and human. One accident found Mark Sutherland under his wagon, holding on for dear life while outriders Reo King and Chanse Vigen came to the rescue and got the horses under control. Another accident, in 2007, had a driver ejected from his wagon, when another wagon hit his. A handful of horses had to be put down. Chanse Vigen risked his life by leaping off his horse and into the runaway wagon, then climbing onto the pole between the two wheel horses, to pull the team up, assisted (once again) by Reo King. Outriders are often the ones that save the day when things get nasty, and they take it as just being part of their jobs.

Do not think for one minute that this sport is barbaric because a horse is injured or a person is sent to hospital. And don't think that I don't care about the animal's welfare. I am a horse owner myself, and it breaks my heart to see a horse put down in a situation like this, but these thoroughbred horses are well taken care of, and are each a part of the drivers' families. Many people want this sport to be banned... just as there are people who believe that rodeo should never exist again. However, these people don't know enough to give a strong argument against the sport. People like to jump to conclusions (it is, after all, human nature... and more over, a serious lack of wisedom) and voice uneducated or ignorant opinions. Five minutes with any one driver in the association will tell you just how much they love these horses, and one day behind the scenes will easily show you the high level of safety and care that is taken in this sport.

Rodeo. Recently, I have attended rodeos to cheer on my friend's husband. He is a bull rider, and he's quite good. He started riding pro last year, and did well enough to make it to finals. He was within the top 20, if I remember correctly. I saw a lot of scary dismounts, but no one was seriously injured. The reason I brought up rodeo in the blog, is actually that same friend's 20 year old brother. he started riding saddle bronc at age 17. Everyone starts off terrible in saddle bronc, and as they get used to the event they get better. Little brother here got better very quickly. By the end of his first season (riding high school rodeo) he made it to SSIF in the USA. That's pretty impressive. He's been riding novice the past two summers, but this summer he moved up to semi-pro. You can stay in novice until you are 22, but he wasn't being challenged in novice, so he decided to move to semi-pro. Two or so months into the season (remember, his first year riding semi-pro), he was sitting 2nd overall. Yeah, he's that good. Unfortunately, he won't be in 2nd much longer. He can't ride for a month. Why? Because on Sunday, he was in an accident, or a wreck as he and his sister like to say, while competing. Accidents in saddle bronc are so very rare. This is the first time since he started bronc riding that he has been in an accident. The gist of what happened is that the horse somersaulted and my friend's brother was pinned under the horse, while it thrashed around trying to get up. He's suffering from a broken collarbone, bruised lung, and his entire body and face is bruised, including a wonderful black eye. Just hearing about it worried me, and when I saw the picture of him afterwards, I couldn't help but swear about it. Then I saw the pictures of the actual wreck. A photographer got frame by frame photos as the accident happened. It's worse than watching a video, it's slower than slow-motion. I was full of anxiety while I flipped through the photos.

Lucky for my friend's brother, he had been wearing a protective vest, or he would have been hurt much worse. It probably saved his life. He's quite upset that he's not going to be riding for a month, though. The horse, as far as anyone knows, trotted off and is fine.

These accidents are rare, but they do happen. And when they happen, the anti-rodeo folks come out in droves, protesting and writing letters. If the horse had been injured, you can bet they would have been out this week.

Now, I'd also like to mention my annual annoyance with the increase in teenage involvement on the internet. Yes, I spent a good portion of my teenage years (after I turned 14, since that's when we got our first compuer) on the internet, on forums and profile sites such as nexopia, facebook, bebo, hoverspot and myspace, but the way teenagers behave over the internet these days has me asking where their parents are. Each year, on a forum I'm a member of, around the months of May and June, we see this inevitable increase of members. Is it a coincidence that this rise occurs around the end of the school year? I think not, and we all know it. I wouldn't be bothered by this in the least, since even I joined as a teenager, if these kids were trying to be productive members of our forum community. However, they often pick fights with longstanding members and make threads that are intentionally meant to stir the pot. In other words, they joined with the sole intention of causing issues in our community. We call them trolls. They don't appreciate it. Most of these members leave on their own once they get bored of it all, others are banned. I prefer to be the bigger person (no pun intended... most of those kids are bigger than I am, physically) and ignore their threads and comments, however, some people lose patience with them... and they should. We have a limit on the forum, you must be 13 years of age or older to join. At thirteen, these kids should know better, so where oh where, are the parents? I know, you can't place the blame on the parents just because a teenager acts out. But, did they forget to teach their offspring how to be productive, polite members of society? If that generation is the future, I'm not sure I want to be around for it.

I promise, most of my posts will NOT be this long!

Hello!

2009-05-28T17:17:00.001-06:00

This doesn't count as the first entry obviously. I'm just here today to let you know what this blog is going to be about. I'm going to be giving my opinion on an issue as often as I can, sometimes. The issue may be international, national, local, personal, political (although that is unlikely), health related, animal related, child/family matters, food related, entertainment related (e.g., music, movies, television), related to the Arts, weather related (given my location, these will likely be vents rather than boasts, but hey, what can you do?), educational (not only about educational, but actually educational), activity related, sports related, etc. In other words, just about anything that comes up is fair game for this blog. A lot of these entries will be my disagreeance/agreeance with how things are being done, what I think people need to know, and what is being left out. Other times these entries will be intended to promote things and create awareness. And sometimes, just because I feel like it. Anyways, that's a quick summary of the future of Matters of Perspective and I hope you come back to read the entries that will follow this one.