A Few Words of Advice for the New Year

As 2012 winds down, and 2013 peeks at us from around the corner, I want to wish you all a marvelous new year. I also hope that your 2013 is all you've ever hoped for, that you chase your dreams, and grow as a person. Personally, I hope 2013 is far more enjoyable than 2012, because my year was not one of my favourites.

But in addition to that, I would like to give you a few words of advice, to the young and the old. The first is this: Never give up on who you want to be. No one else defines you, no one can tell you who you are. It is never too late to be the person you want to be. If that means following your dreams, learning something new, changing something about yourself (like quitting a bad habit, for example!), changing careers, going back to school, starting a family, or whatever it may be, then please go and do that! No more waiting!

The second thing I'd like to say is this: Don't change for anybody. Don't change to make them happy if it will make you miserable. I know it seems like a loving, sweet thing to do, changing for someone you love. But your relationship will suffer if you do. If they expect you to change, they're asking an awful lot of you. If you change but didn't want to, you'll come to resent the other person and your relationship will begin to fade. Small changes and compromise are necessary, but don't change who you are just to please someone. And certainly don't change to please the masses. That being said, if you're entirely insane and doing harm to other people, please DO change. That's actually going to benefit you (as well as the rest of us...), believe it or not.

Don't drink too much tonight, and definitely don't drink and drive. Just don't do it... there's no reason to end one year and start another by doing something you'll regret. Please, just be responsible, don't endanger your life or someone else's. I can't emphasize this enough.

And one last thing I want to touch on is this... and prepare yourself, this is going to go on for a while in this post. Please, kids, go back to being kids and don't worry about growing up so fast. Realize what is and isn't appropriate for the internet, I beg of you. And be careful, for the love of all that is good in this world, with what you do with whom.

What's prompting me to ask these things of you? Tumblr would be the simplest answer, but there really is no simple answer. I recently got sucked into Tumblr, and found myself scrolling through a couple of tags for a band that I listen to. And in the process I got bombarded with countless "fanfics" as they are called. Now, fanfics are nothing new, they're just stories created by fans based on television shows, movies, bands, celebrities, books, etc. But here's the thing... it's being taken to an unhealthy level these days.

Fanfics have become disturbingly graphic, and the fanfics I skimmed over were no exception. The part that worries me is that many of these fanfics are being written by young teenagers, who should be far more concerned with homework and who their best friend is dating these days. They shouldn't be writing about sex and alcohol and one-night stands. Whatever happened to being a kid?

And I sort of get it, I mean, 50 Shades of Grey was originally a fanfic, wasn't it? Just look at how that turned out for E.L. James... she's a hit. As someone who loves writing, myself, I would never tell anyone to stop writing. I think that if it's something you're passionate about, you should write. But please, don't expect your fanfic to turn into the next 50 Shades of Grey. Particularly if you're writing it based on real people. You can't really believe that any celebrity's management team would allow you to publish a book using their client as a character. It will never happen.

And to make matters worse, the writing quality (remember these are often 15-16 year olds writing these fanfics) is far below what is bearable for most readers over the age of 20. So while these kids are writing content more appropriate for the 20+ crowd, the writing itself is not acceptable to that crowd. Poor wording, minimal vocabulary, writing in teenage language that seems to undermine the English language, bad grammar, and ridiculous writing style just make these fanfics annoying clutter on the internet. Please remember - I'm not saying don't write! Just work harder, make it worth reading! If this is what you want, then do it with all that you are, don't half-ass it, thinking you're better than everyone else. I love to read, and I have nothing against fanfics. What I do have something against, is terrible writing. There are some very good fanfics out there, ones worth reading, ones that are well-written, imaginative, and age-appropriate. To those of you writing those, good for you! Keep on writing! Some of you are older (read that as my age perhaps, or already settled well into you life), and write fanfic too, that's awesome. Please do be wary of who your readership consists of though! Quality writing is always worth reading, don't be discouraged.

*And I'm not saying be like E.L. James. How she became so well-known is beyond me. Her books aren't good, and her writing is sub-par (how old is she, anyways? It reads like a 16 year old wrote it...). No offense, but you won't find me reading 50 Shades of Grey in this lifetime. I'd rather read fanfics written by 15 year olds because at least the poor writing would be understandable and there would be hope of improvement in the future. I'd like to know who edited 50 Shades of Grey too...*

Anyways, back to what I was saying. If you're between the ages of thirteen and seventeen, and you're writing graphic fan-fiction and posting it on the internet, please rethink what you are doing. Your internet accounts have your information attached to them, and if you're like most young girls, you probably don't think twice about giving out your name. Writing these sorts of stories sends a certain message about yourselves to predators. It will also come back to bite you in the bum when you're older. Even if you come to your senses and delete them. You may think you've deleted them, but those stories are never really gone from the internet. You'll go to apply for a job, your prospective boss googles you, and up pops your graphic fanfic. Good luck getting that job.

Here's how else it could affect you. So lets say 25 years pass... you're now 40 years old, and you have a 15 year old daughter (or son, whichever). You're talking about the music you used to love, or the books you used to love, or even your favourite movie. Having never heard of your favourite band, she googles them, only to find myriad fanfics depicting various sexual acts in a very detailed manner. Imagine she comes across your fanfic. Mortifying? Probably. Embarrassing? Definitely. Appropriate? Not in the slightest.

Here's the thing... internet websites like Tumblr don't have the ability to stop young girls from reading anything that pops up in a tag. All I did was search one person's name and I was bombarded with sexual comments (not even in fanfics, just comments in general!), fanfics, and whatever this new trend of 'shipping' is. Frankly, I'm old enough to discern what is and isn't appropriate content for the internet (and truthfully, old enough that none of it is inappropriate for me to read), and even I found it disturbing. Parents should be concerned about what their children are writing and reading on the internet. You don't have to search hard to find this stuff.

I know you're probably thinking about sex, you are teenagers, but there's a massive difference between thinking about something and plastering it all over the internet for the world to see. So please, kids, hold off on writing this stuff for a couple of years until it's appropriate and you can write at a higher level of quality. Kids (and their parents), please be wary of what you read on the internet. Kids, please be careful of what you put out there on the internet, whether it be a fanfic, a comment, or just information about yourself. Don't role-play sexual scenes with someone you don't know, pretending to be your favourite celebrity... and most definitely don't do this on the internet where everyone, and I repeat EVERYONE can read it. Just be kids for now... worry about the butterflies you get when you're around that the boy (or girl) sitting three rows over from you in Math class. Worry about passing your final exams. Worry about what's for dinner and what you're best friend is wearing to the school dance. Don't concern yourself with the adult matters of sex and all it's graphic details to the extend that you write stories of them and post them for the world to see.

And on that note, let's all bid 2012 farewell and and welcome 2013 with open arms. I'll see you all in the new year!

Miscommunication and How to Understand One Another Better

Sometimes we forget that not everyone thinks the same way we do. Not everyone understand the world the same way you do. And for that matter, not everyone's world is the same as ours. So occasionally we find ourselves arguing, fighting, angry at one another over something that shouldn't have been a big deal at all.

Not long ago, I had one of the most frustrating conversations of my life. It spanned more than a dozen emails over three days and involved a lot of frustration on both sides of the discussion. By the end of it we finally agreed that we had suffered from a serious bout of miscommunication and came to an understanding. But at the time, we were furiously writing down our relative sides, trying to make the other person understand.

I felt that the other party wasn't understanding what I was saying. I was trying so hard to explain the way I felt and what I know to be right for me with regards to the topic at hand. He felt that I was disregarding what he was saying, not believing him. The difference lay in the fact that I was explaining me, and he was explaining his opinion. Two different things. One, the opinion, is up for debate and discussion. The other, a.k.a. me, was not a debatable topic. We both got defensive and things got a bit heated, until we finally figured out how to word what we wanted to say in a manner that would register understanding with the other person. All is well now, but I know I'm not the only one who has conversations like this.

Perhaps it starts out as a friendly debate, and then someone strikes a chord, or finally crosses a line, and defenses spring into action, calling the troupes to battle. You start to talk louder, hoping that it will finally make sense if they just hear it at a higher volume. They start flailing their arms around, hoping that pantomime will clear up the things that seem to be flying right over your head. Or maybe someone's just downright offended and gets angry over it. Friendships have been severed, relationships cut off too soon, and family bonds broken over miscommunications. Needlessly so, I might add.

So the next time you feel like this, or you see someone else starting to react this way, take a step back, breathe, and reevaluate how you're explaining what you're trying to convey. Maybe the other person doesn't think the same way you do. Perhaps what you're saying makes perfect sense to you (and it should, since your mind is the one that thought of it...), but that doesn't mean what you're saying makes sense to anyone outside of your head. Ask for a break from the conversation if you think that writing it down or mulling it over could help you make more sense to the other person.

Better yet, ask the other person how this conversation or argument is making them feel... what is it that they're struggling with (please note, wording this as "What part of XYZ, don't you understand, idiot?!" is not an appropriate way to do this), what is it that they're explaining. It could be, like my situation, that you're talking about two different subsections of a topic. I find that when you stop defending your position, and explain how it's making you feel (and subsequently come to find out how the other person feels), you really find out why you're arguing, and where the miscommunication lies.

Now, here are two other things to consider in your friendships, romantic relationships, and family relationships... two things that could very well reduce a bit of your frustration with one another, and increase you're mutual contentedness. Personality type and the five love languages (this doesn't just apply to romantic love, but also for friends and family!).

Personality type first, since it's sometimes considered more debatable. So there are sixteen different personality types under the MBTI, and you can find out yours (or an approximation of it anyways), from online tests, like this one and read up on that personality type. Now, of course, unless your friend, partner, family member, etc, takes the test too, it's not going to be too much help, but I thought I'd mention it anyways. Different personality types behave different ways, of course, and this inventory breaks personalities down into sixteen types. Understanding the different types can help you understand why your loved one behaves the way they do. You may find that you read up on someone's personality type and find yourself saying "s/he makes so much more sense now!". You'll be able to act in ways that the other person appreciates more (i.e., my personality type absolutely hates being lied to... so don't lie to me, please and thank you!), and you'll understand why they act the way they do toward you. It's interesting, and though not everyone agrees with personality typing, why not give it a go anyways?

The five love languages, on the other hand, will help you immensely. There's a book on the subject, but if you just want a quick test for it, click here. A lot of people think this sort of thing is just for couples, but most of us feel loved by others a certain way, regardless of who the other person is. The five love languages are "acts of service", "receiving gifts", "words of affirmation", "quality time", and "physical touch". Two people who have different primary love languages can often not feel loved by each other because they don't know how to love one another as they need to be love. Most of the time, we automatically express our love for another person in the way we'd like to have it expressed toward us. Unfortunately, if one person is a 'physical touch' person, and the other is an 'acts of service' individual, no one is going to be feeling loved. That doesn't mean that they can't show their love to one another, they just have to understand how to do so in a way that will actually make the other person feel loved in return.

Taking that little test isn't necessary... just ask the other person what sort of things make them feel loved. You know the five options, the explanations for each one (if you actually clicked on the website), and you know what makes you feel loved, so it's not impossible to open up the lines of communication with your partner, your friends, or your family, and start to appreciate (and understand) each other more.

I know it can be hard to open up to people and tell them how you really feel, being completely (but not brutally) honest with each other about this stuff, but perhaps if more people did so, we could minimize the number of unnecessary ends to friendships and relationships. Keep that in mind, and decide if being lazy and stubborn or your friendship/relationship is more important to you.

You're Never Too Old to Learn.

The classic term "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" is one of the many incorrect ideas floating around these days. First off, in a literal sense, you can teach a old dog new tricks. My dog is headed towards 8 years old and regularly learns new tricks. In fact, I should pick up a trick book and see just how many I can teach him in the coming year. Granted, it's far easier to teach a puppy not to pee in the house, how to sit, how to walk on a leash, how to shake a paw. They're basically sponges (albeit incredibly high energy sponges that never sit still) when their young. But they certainly don't suddenly become stupid or lose the ability to learn something new as they get older.

The same is true for human. The rate at which young children learn is absolutely remarkable. They pick up every little thing with seeming ease. You've probably heard of children learning music or languages without even thinking about it. Why, then, is it so much more difficult to process that information as an adult? Because over time our neurons stop multiplying at superhuman rates of speed, creating new neural pathways in our brains for every single thing we learn. We still form new neural pathways as we learn a new skill (mental or physical skills alike), just no where near as quickly.

You really just have to figure out how you learn best... no matter your age. Maybe you learn through auditory means (being told, listening, explanation, you get the drift), or perhaps you learn by reading. Both of these fall under the category of 'linguistic' learning. You learn through language. That doesn't necessarily mean you learn languages faster than others, though you may if you understand the basic structures of the language already. Other people learn through physically performing a task, like taking apart a clock and putting it back together (who needs instruction manuals anyways?). There are a few other learning styles as well, just google it and see which one sounds most like you.

So you've wanted to learn something your entire life, or perhaps you've just discovered a new interest. You might think you're too old to learn, but you're not. Don't be discouraged if you struggle for a little while... it's not always going to be easy. If it were, it wouldn't really be much in the way of 'learning', would it? It's my belief that some of the most worth-while things are those which do not come easy to us. The feeling of accomplishment that you get after you conquer something that posed a real challenge to you is incredible.

So do you want to learn to play an instrument? Speak another language? Dance? Paint? Carve wood? Design websites? What ever it is, just take a chance and start learning now... not in a year, not in a decade, now. There is ample psychology research into the area, and not only does it show that learning doesn't stop with age, it also suggests that those who continue to learn remain more agile of mine, and in better physical condition (if you're learning dance, for example). In other words, those who continue to learn new things age better than those who do not, even if it's not a life-changing amount. What will be life changing, though, is following through with a dream and not having regret for the rest of your life. I know taking on something new, following a dream, or learning again can be very intimidating. In fact, it can be down-right terrifying, but so are a lot of things in life (you know... falling in love, living alone for the first time, new jobs, big moves... the usual), so why let that stop you from following those dreams? There's no reason why you can't, I don't care how old you are, you really have no excuse. Go learn something new!

No-Zero Policy? More Like "No-Effort" Policy.

This is going to be fairly short and sweet. Well short compared to some other posts, and to be fair, it's probably not going to be very sweet either.

Not too long ago, in a city not far from mine, a high school teacher was fired from his job for going against one of the school's policies. What kind of infraction could warrant being fired like this, you ask? Was he having an inappropriate relationship with a student? Was he encouraging poor behaviour? Was he employing bad language and treating his students poorly? Did he break confidentiality rules? No, he didn't do any of those things. So what did he do?

He awarded some of his students a mark of zero on their assignments. This got the man fired. Sound ridiculous? I thought so.

Apparently that particular city (or perhaps it was just that specific school division), had what is referred to as a "no-zero" policy. In other words, even if students don't hand in their work, they cannot be given a mark of zero. From what I understand (and I say that because this really doesn't make sense at all), the belief was that giving students a mark of zero harmed their education. Instead, teachers should encourage students to hand in their work, even if it's late. If they still didn't hand it in? A certain minimum mark had to be awarded regardless. What?!

Now, I spent a fair bit of time as a student myself... both in grade school and then in a post-secondary setting. I'm afraid that as a student I don't agree with this policy at all. How does that help students and their education? School teaches not only subjects but responsibility, hard work, time management, and honesty. This policy undermines ALL of those things. It really, truly, blows my mind that a school board is okay with this... that parents, teachers, school administrators, and students could be okay with this.

I'm sure some students, namely those who don't much care for their education and don't do their work, are all fine and dandy with it. But why is anyone else? What does this policy teach?

It teaches students that you don't have to hand in your work when the deadline rolls around. It teaches students that you don't have to put in effort to pass a course. It teaches students that you don't have to be responsible for your education, because someone else has taken on that responsibility, in the most irresponsible way most could ever imagine.

So here's where you should take issue with this. Are you a parent? Surely you want your child to pass each course at school and graduate with his or her fellow classmates... but do you want them to do so because a policy allowed them to graduate without learning anything? Do you want your child to graduate and then move on into the real world, only to realize that no-zero policies don't exist at work, college, university, in relationships, with paying bills? That's what I thought.

Are you a teacher? I'm sure you went through an extra four years of education to become a teacher because you want to teach. You want to inspire students to enjoy learning. You want to better future generations. So tell me, are you okay with getting paid to stand in front of a class room and not do these things? You go about your day as any other teacher would, but your impact is far less noticeable. That's what I thought.

Are you a student? Were you ever a student? Perhaps you found school enjoyable, or maybe you hated it. You could have excelled with minimal effort, excelled with a lot of hard work, done average, scraped by, or perhaps you really struggled and had to put in extra effort through tutors and extra study hours... maybe you even redid a couple of years. Are you okay with other students, who put in absolutely NO effort, who don't care one way or another, being able to pass a course and graduate because a school policy allows them to do so? It's outrageous.

When I was a student (which really wasn't all that long ago, though I'm fairly far removed from high school by now), we had consequences. If we didn't hand it in, you bet we got a zero. If we handed it in late, we were docked a certain percentage of our overall grade, ranging from 2% per day up to 20% per day. You can probably guess that we avoided those outcomes as best we could.

Why should students be able to do absolutely nothing while other students work hard for their grades and actually earn and deserve them, while the rest of us don't? What do they learn from it? They learn that they don't have to be responsible for anything. They don't learn how to be adults, they don't learn how to be intelligent individuals. I heard one student on the news say "It's creating a generation of idiots". I whole-heartedly agree.

The city has since amended the policy, allowing each school to make it's own decision about the no-zero policy and it's use. I frankly think it should be banned altogether. Kids should have to face the consequences of their choices. Don't do your work? Don't get the grade. It's your choice, you should have to live with it and deal with the outcome.

By the way, that teacher has since found a job teaching elsewhere. I would hope he's more appreciated there. Here's to all the good teachers in the world.

Jack Reacher is WHO?! Well Done.

I'm one of those abnormal people who reads a lot of books. As such, I'm bound to have watched a few film adaptations throughout the years. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Pride & Prejudice, Black Beauty, the Bourne trilogy (though I guess there's a fourth now, isn't there?), The Help, The Lovely Bones... you get the point. The list goes on and on. 

And while many of these adaptations have been enjoyable and a few have even become some of my favourite films (particularly childhood films), there is, inevitably, something that has been screwed up or butchered by the film makers. It might be a scene, the time line, leaving out an important moment, or something of the like. But rarely is something so integral as the main character  the problem. So, well done to the casting director of the new Jack Reacher film. You've really gone above and beyond to step outside the box. But please do tell me this --- What were you thinking?! Who in their right minds would cast TOM CRUISE as Jack Reacher?!

Now, I'm not the first person to complain about this, and I'm probably months behind so many others who have already expressed their displeasure with this casting choice, but I thought I'd add my two cents to the pile of change that should have buried the casting director alive by now. A quick search online will show you that you've really screwed this one up.

Let's think about it, really... Jack Reacher is meant to be, what? 6'5" and well over 200 pounds. Tom Cruise is 5'7" and by the looks of it, no where near 200 pounds. His age is roughly right, and if he'd lay off the hair products and celebrity facial treatments I imagine he frequently uses, I'm sure he'd look the correct age to. But age aside, there's nothing about Tom Cruise that even remotely screams "I am Jack Reacher, cast me!"

I've read Lee Child, I'm familiar with the character. I enjoy the books, but I will not watch the film. A mistake so glaring as casting an actor who is basically the exact opposite of the character (a character well established in more than a dozen books, I might add), is just bound to piss me off. I remember watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and being so annoyed by the blatant change in Harry's character in the opening scene that I wasn't able to enjoy the rest of the film. It still annoys me to this day. I also couldn't watch Janet Evanovich's One for the Money, from the Stephanie Plum series when it was turned into a film because (as much as I like her) Katherine Heigl was cast as the main character. Cruise as Reacher is far worse.

Don't get me wrong, I get it... I really do. It's Tom Cruise. If Tom Cruise wants to be in your film, you're not going to turn him down. But for the love of all that is good in the entertainment industry, you should have turned him down! Yes, he's a mega-star worth more money than most of us will ever see in our lives... actually, worth more than three generations of our families combine will probably seen in our lives. But there are so many solid actors that could have been cast in this film and weren't. So here are some you probably should have considered:

Kyle Secor (from various television shows);

Stellan Skarsgard (Thor and The Avengers);

Kevin Durand though he's a bit young (Lost and X-Men Origins: Wolverine);

Liev Schreiber (Salt and X-Men Origins: Wolverine);

John Corbett (Sex and the City);

Johnathon Frakes (StarTrek);

Adam Baldwin (Chuck);

Jim Caviezel (The Passion of the Christ);

Vincent D'Onofrio (Law and Order: Criminal Intent)

And my personal favourite, who would have been (in my humble, irrelevant opinion) badass as Jack Reacher? Liam Neeson. 

Regardless, Tom Cruise is now Jack Reacher. And how did I find out? Twitter. I can only imagine the look of complete incredulity on my face when Twitter informed me of this travesty. Thanks Twitter.